Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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