Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
