hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
