So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
