Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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