Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
