her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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