I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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