a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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