Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
