I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I look excited, but its just a facade.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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