Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.