everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
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her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
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Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...