you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
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just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?