I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach