In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.