i may or may not be watching the land before time
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just gargled with NyQuil