I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
