I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Text me some of your sweat
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
