ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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