I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
