Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
