Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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