frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
