yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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