So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
