I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize