You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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