woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
