The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
