He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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