it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He better not be in your backpack
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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