next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
