What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize