I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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