Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
