Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
