I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
