i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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