Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
