i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
