Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
