Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
