dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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