My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
