Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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