I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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