Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
