Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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