Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
