You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
