My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
