I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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