I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
