Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
