what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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