I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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