good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
there is glitter all over my balls
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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