I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
