woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
