I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
