the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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