U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
