Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
