He kissed a someone with a penis
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
