Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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