So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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