Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
