We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
