Even water is tasting like jack daniels
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
