one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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