Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
