what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
