you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
