I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
